Newapaper Assignment 1

The House of White Lies

The legacy of the Bush administration went up in flames with the discovery of confidential documents, asserting that George W. Bush has been brain-dead for most of his presidency. White House housekeeping staff has found the scandalous documents, asserting the existence of a Disney Bush-automaton to replace the real Bush, in the trash last Friday.

Subsequent privately funded investigations have proven the validity of the documents and disproven the desperate claims of the contrary by the now reeling administration. Not surprisingly, the government has made repeated attempts to obstruct and discredit such efforts. Nevertheless, medical records confirm that the president had curiously entered a stage of brain death shortly after the invasion of Iraq. Considering its vulnerable situation on the world stage, the US government apparently thought it wisest to preserve the facade of the strong hegemonic America as a determined soldier in the war on terror.

Terrified administrators are known to have conceived the idea of ordering a Bush-automaton from the Disney Studios in early April of 2001. It was to be fully operable with rechargeable batteries and an expiration date of four years. A second automaton was purchased from Disney in anticipation of the elections in 2004, as even CIA Director Michael Hayden deemed the plan “completely fool-proof”, which does not necessarily speak for the qualities of the former president and nor, with the benefit of hindsight, for the U.S. intelligence services.

There seems to have existed the strong underlying consent among Republicans, that a literal puppet president, would be a much more lucrative investment for campaign sponsors than a candidate whose policies could potentially threaten U.S. business interests abroad. The American public, through domestic policy, and the world at large, through America’s dominant foreign policy, was thus exposed to the moods of a selected group of influential lobbies for the past eight years. It is now questionable, whether the agreements signed ant the policies enforced by the administration are legally enforceable under federal and international law respectively and it is further doubtful, whether future agreements with the United States will ever be concluded with trust again.

The White House is known to have had to receive statements of outrage and disbelief from around the globe. Iranian president Ahmadinejad is said to even have called the White House, complaining in person about the lack of accountability in the U.S. government. Other heads of state are also known to have remarked most unfavorably about the affair. French president Sarkozy made it clear during recent mediation talks concerning the Georgian affair, that France would oppose any American interference in the conflict, if it remained uncertain, from which authority American officials were receiving their orders.

The incompetence of the White House staff has thus exposed the greatest scandal in the history of the White House. The credibility of the United States government has vanished almost overnight and foreign relations turned dire. The only party to profit from the entire mess is Bush himself. At least, he is now no longer blamed for the less fathomable policies of his administration during recent years.